December 2011
85 posts
5 tags
Tonight.
I plan to purge all negativity before we head to Mo’s.
I plan to live it up like I haven’t been able to for months now.
I intend to be happy, I intend to have fun, and I intend to love everything about life.
Quotes will be noted, memories will be made, and I will stumble at least once, and I won’t give a damn.
Tonight will be a turning point, not because it’s a new...
I don't believe in new years resolutions...
Mostly because I never do them. I gave up even making the list after I stopped hanging out with Mandy, an oldoldoldold childhood friend who always insisted we make lists and hold one another accountable. Then she had my ex-boyfriend’s baby.
That aside, I’ve never felt that the New Year was really worth making resolutions over. Let’s be honest, how many of them are just...
So much POBAW posting.
I think I’m just still so in love with my new tattoo. And the fact that I decided to reread that book literally at the exact moment in life where I needed to see these words the most.
Funny how that happens.
“So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know...”
– The Perks of Being a Wallflower (via frecklish)
4 tags
Sick Kitten
My parents have a bad habit of feeding strays. These strays have kittens, some of them die, heartbreak ensues.
Right now we’re caring for a sick kitten, and I’m not so good with this. I love animals, and watching this little kitten struggle to breathe is killing me inside. None of the shelters in town have space for a sick kitten, and my parents aren’t willing to put money...
Well, that was hilariously eye-opening.
Catchphrase last night.
“Felicia blank, blank, blank, in her relationships.”
I don’t know if it’s more ridiculous that China said this, or that everyone on my team, without missing a beat, screamed “WEARS THE PANTS!”.
Bahaha.
At any rate, it was amusing.
New tattoo today, new camera lens coming in the mail tomorrow. This is what I did with my Christmas money.
But the fact that this lens is a $400 lens that was on sale for $150 off after Christmas makes this far more awesome.
And I could not be more happy with my new tattoo. =)
5 tags
Dinner at Logan's earlier tonight...
Taylor: You don't like turkey?!
Me: .....
Josh: The real question is, does your character in Skyrim like turkey?
---(later)---
Taylor: Holy hell, when did I get a new sweet tea? Our waitress is obviously a ninja
Josh: Her sneak ability is impeccable
-------------
Skyrim. It never stops working its way into conversation.
Also, there was a whole lot of dork going on during dinner.
On another note, how is it the conversation topic of food I don't like seems to be entirely inevitable at all points in time?
7 tags
Reality.
This is a reflective, musing sort of “me” post.
I remember dreaming last night, but as is usually the case with dreams, I only remember the part that made me jerk myself awake and slam into reality. I only remember the part that I wish had been true.
It’s funny, though, that what I wish had been true from that dream would have seemed like a nightmare before all this chaos came...
I spent four hours editing photos today. My eyes are probably going to fall out of my head any moment. Goodness, I hate editing. Especially wedding photos.
It's Christmas Eve.
I forgot, to be honest.
I was too busy dealing with you and your crap, and the infinite amounts of guilt that you keep trying to pile on me every time we sit down to sort this nonsense out.
None of this is entirely my fault. I am not to blame for things that are out of my control, and you making me feel like shit until a panic attack sets in is not the way to fix anything, you ass.
I really...
4 tags
Oh, Mansfield.
There’s something about this city.
It’s altogether not a good something. Maybe it’s the fact that I grew up here, so there is literally not another place on the planet with as many memories floating around. Maybe it’s because so many people from my past are still here, sinking into this city, becoming part of its foundation. Maybe it’s because being here means...
4 tags
“You could never really win. Not to say...
There’s that loose end I was searching for.
Let’s tie you up nice and neat, shall we? And now I’ll put a big ol’ check mark next to your name on my list, and call myself one step closer to “shit-together status”.
Wandering through Wonderland: Damages →
girlwiththetights:
It is not romantic to be broken. There’s nothing beautiful about it. It is not a black and white photograph taken by an artistic photographer.
I think sometimes we get seduced by the idea of fragility - brokenness. Two women I greatly admire are Marilyn Monroe and Edie Sedgwick. They set the…
Attaining "Shit Together" Status
In light of the past few months, my overall regression into pre-progress Felicia, and the reoccurrance of my panic attacks, I have decided to work my ass off during break to get my shit together.
My friends, I have made a list.
Which, of course, means that I’m serious and this is going to happen. Maybe not everything is going to happen in the next two weeks. But if I make a significant...
3 tags
“Somewhere, someday, I’ll find the one I’m meant to be with. Until...”
– Eddie Mahan
Friend, ex-boyfriend, casual philosopher. He is apparently far wiser than I ever gave him credit for. Who knew?
Decision made?
I think I quit.
At least, right now, I just want to quit. I feel really stupid, and I hate that every time I talk to you it turns into me spilling too much and you either awkwardly snubbing me, or just not replying to my texts altogether.
I don’t know what I expected. I know what I hoped, and at this point I hate that I even bothered with that concept at all.
Your move. I’m done.
That awkward moment when you’re waiting for someone to reply to the particularly risky text message you sent them.
That proverbial "line".
I feel like that’s the question I ask about everything. “Where is the line, here?” It’s my way of categorizing behavior and thoughts. The line between the good end of things and the bad end of things. The appropriate and the inappropriate. The justified and the awful.
Anymore, I can’t find the line. And, to be honest, this scares the hell out of me. The line...
3 tags
“What are we waiting for? These years are dying slowly. Today is still in front of us, and we’re breaking out because today is now or never. I don’t want a life of agony, I won’t be another tragedy, and close my eyes while everything burns. And I won’t pretend I don’t exist, invisible until I turn to dust. Open your eyes, we’re still alive. Standing still...
“The worst thing is to feel that as a photographer I am benefiting from someone...”
– James Nachtwey (via fotojournalismus)
Yes, please.
Life is a lot sweeter with the addition of shopping time, late night talks over margaritas, and cute construction workers outside in the morning.
It’s really only too bad it’s too cold for shirtless work. ha.
"I may not always be perfect, but I'll always...
Silverstein, “True Romance”
Perusing potential tattoo quotes.
I’m not sure I can talk myself out of this one. I’m starting to get excited about it.
FREEDOM.
Papers posted (however poorly written), exams finished, 4 hour drive completed.
I’m currently sitting at Melanie’s, exhausted but happy. That drive is murder, but I’m glad to be here at the very least.
It’s like the moment I got out of Oxford and hit the highway, life got a million times better. I hate that town.
The word "inappropriate" just got a whole new...
Wandering through Wonderland: The Blue Pill or the... →
girlwiththetights:
When I was in high school, I had wild ideas about running off and living la vie boheme in New York City. A starving actress, a starving writer, some mix of both … I wasn’t entirely sure. I hadn’t really thought it out yet, but I was fairly confident that I could make it happen. When I graduated…
“What circumstances made you be able to leave today?” You asked me.
I told you it was because I was able to get my car. That I just figured why the hell not.
The real reason?
I was only going to stick around for you in the first place.
And, well, maybe that was a poor choice on my end. Maybe that was too much of an investment, for me to think of you as worth sticking around for.
...
Plotting my not-so-daring escape from le OxBox.
I can’t fight the urge to run away when things get unpleasant. I think I’d run to the ends of the earth to get away from everything that’s happened in the last 3 months.
It’s just a bummer that running from crappy Oxford means running to shitty Mansfield.
But. There will be Rachel, and there will be Melanie. So...
"Things change. And friends leave. And life...
Stephen Chbosky, “The Perks of Being a Wallflower.”
———
I started rereading this at just the right time in all this mess.